10th Anniversary!

So, in two days it will be my and my ill spouse's 10th wedding anniversary. I am approaching it with a mix of apprehension and a yearning to celebrate. Apprehension because I know we can't have a real celebration because of the Fragile-X illness that has been plopped in the center of our lives since right after our wedding (even before, but I didn't realize at the time that my husband's cognitive abilities were being compromised). But I also want to shout from the rooftops that WE MADE IT TO 10 YEARS AND STILL LOVE EACH OTHER COMPLETELY!!! And I also want to shout that GOD HAS BEEN THE NECESSARY THIRD THREAD OF OUR MARRIAGE (AS WE WERE TOLD BY THE PASTOR AT OUR WEDDING), AND GOD HAS ENABLED US TO ACHIEVE 10 YEARS OF MARRIAGE.

For the past couple of years, our well spouse/ill spouse life has stabilized (for now, anyway) and things have been relatively peaceful. I have enough help from home health aides that I can have a life of sorts, and my husband Vince is safe and content in his own home. Before things stabilized, however, we had years of struggling with getting a diagnosis of Vince's mysterious illness and keeping up with all of his physical and mental deterioration. There were times in the early years of our marriage when I wasn't sure Vince really loved me anymore - that my marriage to him was some sort of a cosmic joke. I didn't realize he was having cognitive deficits because his brilliant brain was atrophying.

Luckily, I was drawn into Catholicism, Vince's faith, when his priest came to visit us. I really didn't think I wanted to be Catholic, but I read the books the priest kindly gave me. One book gave stories of people in horrible situations who placed their lives in God's hands and ended up being okay! I wanted to see if that could happen to me (it did, after some years of building a relationship with God!). Another book, which explained the Catholic faith, in its discussion of marriage, said that God promises to stay in the marriage and help the couple through difficulties. Well, I never forgot that one sentence, and would call on God when Vince and I would be having an awful time communicating and I was feeling totally desperate - peace would then descend on us. God has been faithful to me as I have stayed close to Him through this whole 10-year journey. I just handed over my life to Him, not knowing what to do several years ago, and I watched for His answers in the form of people and opportunities that He placed in my life (this includes finding Well Spouse!).

Meanwhile, Vince tells me often that he loves me with all his heart - and he has trouble saying anything, for the most part - very few words come out of his mouth these days. And I do believe him and love him too. This is miraculous, considering how not-fun and not-easy our life together has been.

So, as for our 10th anniversary, I have been asking God to just show us His presence on that special day. I hope it can be a special day in some way. I'll let you all know....