My Red Balloon

Did you ever read the book or see the film "The Red Balloon?" My parents gave me the beautiful picture book from the film when I was a child, and I have seen the film several times; I've since gotten a copy of the book for my grandchildren.

It's the story of a little boy named Pascal, who lives in Paris and one day finds a red balloon. It becomes his best friend and constant companion, waiting outside his apartment window for him, when his mother won't allow him to bring it inside. One day a bunch of rough kids capture the red balloon and break it with a stone. While Pascal is sitting next to the broken balloon with his broken heart, slowly all the balloons in Paris come together - all colors of balloons float through the sky and their strings tie together and come to Pascal. He holds onto the strings of the balloon bouquet and is lifted into the air by the balloons, flying away in the sky over Paris. What a beautiful, happy ending!

As I sat by my ill husband's side just now, crying because he rarely talks and because sometimes it just gets to me more than other times, I felt like Pascal sitting beside his broken balloon. Like the red balloon, my husband is very "broken" by his illness, and has been "broken" since we were married almost 11 years ago.

As the balloons of Paris came to Pascal to heal his grief and lift him into the sky, so God has sent me so many new friends and three beautiful grandchildren, all of whom have lifted me up from my grief and who help me endure it every day. My co-well spouses from Well Spouse, new friends from church, and the many activities I do for Well Spouse have given me new life in the face of the depressing illness that I am "married to".

But unlike Pascal, I will not go flying off happily into a sunlit sky, because I will have always lost my husband, because we never had a "normal" marriage, and no matter how many "balloons" God puts in my life, I will always have the pain of the one broken balloon - my husband. Yes, my husband is alive and I'm thankful for that, but his mind is no longer here, and nothing will ever replace that.

So although I know that God has blessed me immensely and is my constant companion and Savior, and though He lifts me up every day to keep going, sometimes I do have to just sit by my broken red balloon and cry.