The "Other Stuff" and Affliction and Consolation

I have been struggling a lot in the past months: the relentless caregiving demands are always there, but it gets really unbearable when all the "other stuff" happens.  What I mean by "other stuff" is things breaking in the house and needing repairs or replacements; battling obstacles set up by insurance companies and pharmacies in order to get my husband's prescriptions refilled; my aides being chronically late or taking time off; and all the regular life problems faced by those who are not also caring for a seriously ill spouse.  I always said that people doing serious 24/7/365 family caregiving should be spared some of that "other stuff," but we are not.

So things build up—the little problems and annoyances build on top of my default position of life which is the emotional devastation and physical/mental strain of all I have to do for my husband, since he can do nothing.  And for the past year or so, he has stopped talking, so there is the added heartbreak of NO communication with the person who should be my life partner and best friend.

I try so  hard to walk with God, trying to keep my head down and do my chores, trusting that God has a purpose for all my suffering and work, and trying to let Him make the big decisions without trying to second-guess Him about what will happen to my husband and myself.  But lately, I have gotten very angry with God for allowing so much "other stuff" to happen to me.  At times, I scream and cry and tell God I cannot keep this up; I have to have some peace in my days, and the stuff just keeps flying at me.  I tell God that I can understand His giving me an ill husband to make me grow in faith, but I have to be able to DO it!  If He sends me too much stress and trouble, I can't function, I melt down, and what good am I????  What is this accomplishing in God's kingdom???

Recently, I read something about affliction and consolation which may supply an answer.  I read that an hour of affliction and suffering is worth more to God than long periods of consolation—consolation being those periods of time in which suffering is removed.  I can only hope that that is the Truth: I have been begging so much for consolation lately, but if I could believe that my suffering from all that I'm afflicted with is worth something valuable to God, I could accept it better.

As I have been on my faith journey while caring for my husband, the consolations seem to be getting fewer and more far between.  I used to get some kind of kindness or consolation after a particularly difficult day; but now the difficult days can just go on and on, making me feel like I'm living in a very unkind world that is battering and abusing me.

I guess my only recourse is to keep building my trust in God, trying to close my lips (less complaining, although crying is a healthy release) and setting my feet firmly on the ground (instead of feeling like I'm in a tornado).  Lord God, I offer up my suffering to You, hoping that You are using it for something good somewhere in Your kingdom!  I doubt that I'll ever understand how You're using my suffering, but PLEASE BE USING IT!!!!