GRRRR!

Sometimes - like right now - I think the thing I hate the most about Vince's FXTAS is when he won't open his mouth when I have to give him a pill or see if he has swallowed it.

He has started taking Ritalin to see if it will focus his mind a little and wake him up a little. We started with four days of the lowest dose - a very tiny pill which I think is harder for me to get him to swallow than a larger one. We've done this pill in the morning and that has gone down, and I think has made him walk better and be a little more awake. Yesterday I had to up the dose to two pills a day (working up to three, starting in a week). I can't say for sure that he swallowed either of the second pills.

I made the mistake both days of not making sure every little crumb from lunch was out of his mouth - if anything is in his mouth, he will have trouble swallowing a pill. So I put the pill on his tongue, give him water, and the pill is still in his mouth somewhere!! Then he won't open his mouth so I don't know if he chewed it, swallowed it, or if it's just crushed somewhere between his teeth. He won't open his mouth, no matter what I do. So I told my aide to give him more water, and went off to calm down and pray that he in fact swallowed the pill.

I have to remember to clear his mouth before giving him medication - not that that's always possible without making me furious at FXTAS!!!! I don't throw fits anymore - I just walk away and pray - but I still feel hatred for this insidious illness when Vince won't do something simple like just OPEN HIS MOUTH!!

I know I've complained about this before, and I know no one cares, but this is my way of diffusing my frustrations. If Vince does stay on this medication - if it does in fact ever help him - I'll have to find a better way to get it into him. These little pills are horrible!! GRRRRR!