Aide Woes

I knew it was bound to happen. After 3 years of stability with two home health aides - one for days and one for evenings, that's coming apart. The evening and Saturday aide had to take a job at a grocery store to get health insurance, so he still works for us, but needs to work for the grocery store about 3 times a week during his hours for us - the store of course calls the shots, because THEY're the one with the health insurance. I'm just a peon.

My nursing agency has gotten a replacement who so far has been able to cover the other aide's hours, but it is a new person, starting all over, doing things differently, and Vince won't walk much for him because he's not used to him.

Long story short - I'm stressed and depressed. I'm hanging on to God and taking it slowly, one step at a time, but I'm back to doing more of the work with Vince and it's very hard to have the new normal that I accomplished pulled apart. Of course that's life, and my problems could be worse, but hey, I live with a husband who barely moves or talks - as if that wasn't depressing enough to live with EVERY DAY.

I won't stop holding on to God, though. I know He has reasons and lessons for me, and I'm trying to learn them. I keep praying that Jesus will be the Lord of my mind, and not be badgered by all the annoying and depressing thoughts that are bombarding me. I will get over this depression - my depressions are on and off - it goes with the caregiver territory.

So just felt like venting - I doubt many people, if any, read this blog anyway. I have other things going on that are dragging me down also. I'll probably feel better tomorrow, when I have my two regular aides and return to a day of more order.

I did what I needed to do today, and had a nice lunch with 8 other support group friends, so I'm not dysfunctional - just beaten down and not looking forward to my evening with the third aide, who also did the daytime shift today, so I've had enough of this.