Caregiver Couture

I am so glad we live in this century and not in past times when clothing was so uncomfortable and women needed shoes and purses to match every outfit. My husband and I have never been into haute couture, and now as ill and well spouses, respectively, I'm sure we're breaking every "fashion rule" there ever was. But in this situation, COMFORT reigns supreme.

I've realized that I can relieve some of my frequent caregiver's irritability by just putting on a looser pair of pants, putting my hair up, or taking off my shoes. My favorite attire is cotton sweats, jeans, tee shirts, knee-length workout capris, and anything that is cotton, solid-colored and loose. If I need to "dress up" for church or another occasion (which does not happen often in this caregiver's life), I wear pants that are not jeans or sweats, and add jewelry and a decent jacket or sweater.

Vince's wardrobe has been totally overhauled since I became his full-time caregiver several years ago. When he first became mostly immobile, he put on some weight, so all his clothing needed to be replaced. Plus, if he just sits all day and hardly goes anywhere, he needs to wear non-restricting clothing which is more comfortable for him and easier for me and the aides to change the Depends all day. So instead of the khakis and "regular" pants he used to wear, and button-down shirts, I got him elastic-waistband sweatpants, lightweight workout pants, and what they now call "lounge" pants for him to sleep in or wear during the day - heavier ones for winter, and lightweight ones for summer. Shirts are cotton tee shirts, long- or short-sleeved, and sweatshirts for winter. His clothing is all a few basic colors - blue, black, gray, brown, gold - that can be interchangeable.

In the past year or so, Vince has lost some of the weight he had gained, because his appetite has lessened. So, the same elastic waisted clothing still works. He's on the short side, so I just roll up the pants on the bottoms (I used to hem them at the start of his illness gig, but that got old quickly.)

So there are some compensations about having an ill husband who can't do anything. Our clothing budget is probably less than anyone's - our clothing comes mainly from Target and Old Navy, and I wear lots of hand-me-downs from my two daughters who tire quickly of their clothing and give it to me. I took Vince shopping for shoes several years ago and got a few pairs for going out. But at this point, the only outings he has are to doctors, so one pair of athletic shoes has been all he's needed. He wears slippers in the house and even on the odd occasion when the weather is okay for him to sit outside.

Another compensation for me is that I don't have to dress up. All the various jobs I had before I became a caregiver required only casual attire - I don't think I could stand a job where I had to dress in a suit or something "professional-looking" every day. I taught dance classes for 11 years, and really enjoyed the clothing that required - comfortable!!

I'm not sure why I'm even writing this blog - maybe to demonstrate that you don't have to stress over clothing or spend a lot of money on it in the well/ill spouse situation - after all, there have to be some POSITIVES in this not-so-pleasant lifestyle.